Men and Intimacy
I define intimacy as all the “unique and ongoing ways we express love to our partner that keep us close, connected and our love growing – without losing our individuality.”
Intimacy means we embrace attitudes and beliefs that incorporate the heart, that we possess skill in our capacity to love, that we plan how to move toward our partner and eventually take concrete action.
Loving effectively doesn’t happen by accident! It takes place in the bedrock of strategy and execution – being intentional as men in how we love! Let’s look at each component.
Where is your desire in loving and affirming your mate? Are you motivated to love and cherish her or is something in the way? Anger, resentment and other toxic emotions often keep us from breaking through barriers and reaching out. Sometimes we lack the skills to communicate affection and affirmation consistently or effectively. Often we need to target “how to love” and initiate new behaviors that keep us engaged with one another.
This leads us to a look at our capacity or skill. Do you feel you know how to reach out and rock her world? It is vital to have confidence in our ability to love – without this, we lack the courage it takes as men to be vulnerable and open our heart to another.
So, what’s your strategy in loving your spouse? We spend time in business and career spelling out a competitive approach or becoming more competent in our skill set in our line of work. But we seldom transfer this mindset to our marriage. To plan, strategize and develop ideas of how to roll out loving behaviors and create intimacy, is foreign to many men. Yet how vital! Love can die – we need to move ahead with wisdom and forethought and truly create the bond of love and care needed to sustain our love life.
No plans are worthwhile if we don’t execute. I believe we are designed as men to explore, pioneer, strategize and execute actions that make a difference and shape our world. Actions that lead to greater intimacy need to become habits – not routines – but ongoing decisions to reach out in word and deed to make a difference in our married lives. Love gets created – again, doesn’t happen by accident.
So, where’s your heart? How adept are you at loving and have you translated your heart and abilities into concrete plans to reach out and love intentionally? Love grows in the soil of constant attention and effort. The results are amazing and create meaningful contact in the kitchen and in the bedroom. What’s your next step?