“Love is a verb. It’s an action requiring your involvement and your active participation. You cannot sit back and expect the world will serve it to you. You cannot expect that your relationship will continue to provide love while you’re not putting in any effort. Love has to be earned and must be continually fought for.” Stephen Covey
“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” Tom Robbins
“Crazy Little Thing Called Love” Queen
The Verb Called Love
Love is a verb – not a noun. It takes effort. It takes the kind of effort where two lovers reach out to one another to create lasting joy and satisfaction.
Loving one another – truly loving one another – involves the kind of intimacy that only the two of you share. Intimacy involves touching your lover’s heart and mind and soul – emotionally, as well as physically ensuring that your partner “feels” and “experiences” the love you have for them.
Think of the last few days or perhaps last week noting the ways you showed love and concern for your partner. Did the love you feel for him or her become a verb with actions that made your lover feel special, valued and precious?
And as Stephen Covey remarked, did you fight for your love intentionally, actively and not passively?
True and lasting love is a creation. We construct it out of the bedrock of our own desire to bring love into the life of another. And that desire is like a burning flame – if you fan it and are determined to keep the torch lit.
Striving for Gold
As we watched the winter Olympics recently, we were struck by the competency of the athletics competing for the gold – particularly the amazing effort over years of practice to achieve skills worthy of Olympic standards. Gold is the biggest prize. Second and third place are never the ultimate goal. And so it goes in our most cherished competition as we fight against the distractions that keep us from loving wholly and greatly – to indeed fight for gold in how we love and tend to and care for our partner.
Here are some of the most important questions we could ask ourselves:
- Am I competing for gold? Or settling for silver, bronze or not even a place on the podium!
- Does my way of life demonstrate consistent practice, where I get better and better at loving my partner?
- Do I really understand what constitutes intimate behaviors – so that my style of loving is real and effective?
- Do I stay consistently mindful of reaching out to my lover with love and care?
- Do I struggle with intimacy due to my childhood or past relationships and need to get on a more tangible growth path to solve these roadblocks?
- Finally, am I willing to talk with my spouse about how they experience my love and am I open to hearing what they need to feel truly loved and valued?
These are great questions to get started on a more tangible path toward real intimacy. Remember, love is a verb – we may feel love and think love, but ultimately, we must do love for our lover to experience it and know they are deeply cared for.