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From the moment we are born, we enter into relationship with an other. That other is our first reflection, our mirror. In their face we experience the first perceptions of our self. That face (and the person behind it) and what it communicates to us, is how we develop our identity, who we are.

This powerful process, where we experience (through an other) being Noticed, Attuned To, Loved, Delighted In, Wanted, Adored and Cared For, shapes us. We can also take in the converse of these things – Disgust, Frustration, Intolerance, Disinterest, Devaluing, A Lack of Being Noticed or Attuned To or Valued, and so on. These are the early origins of shame and feeling we are not ok.

When we (Leslie & Doug) were reflecting on our week and the work we do helping others, a discussion about this powerful process of “mirroring” began. We reminded ourselves about how critical it is and how mirroring in relationships never stops. It happens from Mother to Father to Close Friends, To Our First Loves & with Our Current Love.

What’s different in later development is we have (hopefully) a more developed self and choice. We can and must choose the “mirrors” we want to look into and be shaped by. And we must decide if what is reflected back to us is a true reflection or not. When we surround ourselves with loving others who can love us well, we are affirmed and uplifted, and we feel accepted and loved.

But we must also be open to receiving reflections that are not shiny about ourselves if we want to grow and expand ourselves and learn to be loving reflections for others. Have the Mirrors in Your Life been good to you? Do you feel loved by them? Do you feel lovingly challenged by them? What kind of Mirror are you to others, your Children, your Lover?

For couples in love, the art of mirroring the goodness and uniqueness of the other has profound effects. We have the ability to remind our lover that they are special, that we adore them and that they have real worth and value. When we stop mirroring what we treasure in each other, the love for each other can slowly disappear.

The challenge for all of us it to keep love alive. To keep marriage great. To love each other with all our heart and sustain the devotion and attachment we need to feel truly connected – to our lover – hopefully, to our best friend. How we mirror that love to one another, does it all. Makes love truly blossom and grow.

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The Energy of Love

“Love Stories Never Have Endings” – Richard Back “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” The Apostle Paul Some say the love is the opposite of fear. That may be true. It also may be that the opposite of love is neglect – relational neglect. This could

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Don’t Let Marriage Compromise Your Sex Life – Here’s How

Some say that “marriage” itself can compromise and even ruin your sex life. Two lovers marry and settle into routines, they have children, they face work at building their life financially and pretty soon their sex life suffers. But does it have too? Do the demands of marriage mean that sex and passion will eventually

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Couples in Love and the Orbit They Create

All the ways we communicate and love one another, form habits. These habits, or patterns, really create a couple’s unique identity. We often call this the orbit two people have built together. Think of it like a planetary orbit, complete with gravity, predictable movements through time and space and the confidence the pattern won’t change.

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Amazing Intimacy – Easter Message

God desires intimacy with all His children. He sees us through the eyes of love – a love that is special because it comes from Him – from His very person and nowhere else. A love just for us. He knows our every thought, struggle, joy and tear. You know, He feels every struggle, joy

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Sex Education and Sexual Empowerment in An Age of Sexual Obsession, Objectification and Sexual Ignorance. When Enough Is Enough

I (Leslie) often ponder what I think I really know and what I’ve accrued and learned as a relationship and sex therapy clinician of 25 years. Sometimes it seems so little and at other times feels like I have something to say. About things I need to communicate – to clients and others who will

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5 Ways To Create Fireworks In The Bedroom

One aspect of the sexual experience between loving married adults involves a kind of bond or emotional connection that we call oneness.  In that experience, we share a love for one another surrounded by safety, mutual consent and mutual adoration. By focusing on “oneness” as one aspect of how we bring sensual energy and joy

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20 Seconds of Insane Courage

Not too long ago, I watched a movie with Matt Damon I really enjoyed – We Bought a Zoo.  My favorite scene involved a brief dialogue between Matt and his estranged, teenage son.  Matt was trying to make a point and to encourage his boy to reach out to a cute, young girl he befriended

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What To Do When the Beauty of Marriage Has Turned Ugly

Marriage is meant to shine. To be the origin of unique passion and aliveness between two lovers and soul-mates. Where individuality is honored and rich togetherness is cultivated. So often this fails to happen and couples eventually turn the corner where hurt, misunderstandings and wounds abound. Clearly the exception to God’s design for synergy and

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The Crucible of Marriage – Are You Good For One Another?

We see marriage as a crucible where you, as two lovers, come together to refine, grow, cherish and inspire one another.  Where the capacity to move each other to become more than you are now – in so many ways – defines the synergy you create as lovers, partners. So, in your marriage, are you

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